


My smol bean.

by orphan_account



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Everyone Is Gay, I wrote dis cus i want to show it, M/M, My First Fanfic, My name is yani, One Shot, and im ten!, hahahahahha, i am a poet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-22
Updated: 2018-02-22
Packaged: 2019-03-17 15:07:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13661541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: In which Connor and Evan were best friends. Also, I got my project from school, and changed it into this. YAY





	My smol bean.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Someone](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Someone/gifts).



“Connor! Get down here!” exclaimed my father in an angry tone. I was pretty annoyed, no, more ‘ticked off’ . My long, dark hair was slightly tangled, and tied up into a bun. I was currently talking to my friend, Evan, my only friend. I scurried down the stairs quickly, as my mother left to talk to my sister as my Mom and Zoe my sister had fight before dinner. I look out the window to see a beautiful blue mixed with a sunset lilac, grass, as green as shamrock.

 

I plopped down into my seat, when my father, my step father in fact, asked, “Who is person that you've been babbling to? They sound so annoying. They stutter every time they speak. You, Connor have to find real friends. How could you stan-” I put in my earphones as he’s blabbering, so I don’t comprehend anything more. Even though I can’t hear anything that he’s saying, I’m still furious over what he said about Evan. I sigh. ‘Whatever.’ my subconscious says in an annoyed tone. My brows furrow.

 

His father only is sweet towards Mom and Zoe. He doesn’t care about me. Not like my real dad.

 

When I finished lunch, I headed to Evan’s, well, really happy Household. I arrived with Ms. Hansen welcoming me. “Oh! Evan! Connor’s here!” she alerted Evan with a sweet tone. He rushed down the stairs, almost tripping on himself. “One last hug?” Evan questioned his mother. Ms. Hansen cuddled him like a child, lovingly and sweet. He was set free from her grasp, and he plopped into the passenger seat, smiled at me, and I smiled back. “Bye Mom! “ “ Bye Ms. Hansen!” “Just call me Heidi! Goodbye!” was all she said as we drove off. “What? Are we just going to the kids’ waterpark we go to even though we’re both 17?’” I say sarcastically. Evan giggles. “No. the Apple Orchard.” he smiles at me. Yeah, maybe I should watch the musical named” Be More Chill”, but apparently, it has no chill. Ugh. I was basically freaking out by now. I had a smile plastered on my face for the whole car ride.

 

We bought ice cream at A la mode, and then we arrived. Evan started to chant,

“End of May or early June,” I had an idea what this song as, but not certain. I think it was a song Evan composed. 

We bought ice cream at A la mode, the people in front of us were extremely annoying, every 5  
seconds, they’d finish, then go back ‘cause they forgot something. Evan started to chant,  
“End of May or early June,” I had an idea what this song as, but not certain. I think it was a song Evan composed.

“This picture-perfect afternoon we shared” I decide to sing along with him, taking turns as we sing, licking our ice cream in between. “Drive the winding country road” “Grab a scoop at À La Mode” “And then we're there” ”An open field that's framed with trees” His ice cream is chocolate, and I’ve never liked chocolate, so, I’ve never tried it. I take a lick of his ice cream, him screaming, “ CONNOR.” I giggle while he pouts, then he licks mine. It was mango or something. He giggles, resulting in us both being giggly, and laughing whenever. We continue singing, but really giggly.“We pick a spot and shoot-pfft- the breeze - isn’t that air?” we laugh, continuing the song.“Like buddies do” “Quoting songs by our favorite bands, - wait- Michael and jeremy- oh noooo- telling- “ “jokes no one understands, except us two,-” I choke out giggling, as we started giggling like idiots, as I stare at him. His eyes sparkle with emotion, though him laughing on the outside. “And we talk and take in the view” “All we see is sky for forever” “We let the world pass by for forever” “Feels like we could go on for forever this way” “Two friends on a special day”

 

~Next day~

 

‘Today was great day’ I think to myself. Did you notice that I was being sarcastic as I always am? I sigh. I hope if one of these days I’m noticed by anyone other than Evan, Mom, Dad who only scolds me, or Zoe. Anyway, I was deciding what I should today. Like y’know, kill myself? Sure. who cares anyway? Not anyone but Evan, and Zoe. You don’t have to know the rest. ‘Not like anyone cares.’ a voice says “ yeah, yeah, whatever.” I say whisper to myself. 

I drive home leaving a letter in my locker. I run home, scattering through all of my things, looking for my knife. Once I found it, I cut myself 10 times per arm. Then I stab it straight through my throat, I shove it in farther till I can't breathe, and I collapse, as I see nothing more. 

 

The school day ended, I see Evan. Yeah, I’m dead, but, I guess I’m staying with him to keep him happy. He reads the gave him, sobbing on the floor, tears rolling down his cheeks as fast as blades can cut through flesh. I was sorry. Like really sorry. I, well, revealed myself, introduced myself since he had this look of terror on his face. “Uh, hi.” I mutter out. “H-h-hello.” “I’m well your motivational ghost I guess.” “O-o-o-okay.” he stutters out. Evan hands me a hashbrown. “ I-uh, accidentally bought 5 hashbrowns.” I just glare at him. "O-oh. S-s-sorry. I f-forgot.”

I managed to keep him happy, but when I leave, he starts sobbing. I don’t know what to do. Help? He randomly cries like I'm all he had. He has a mom, a caring, loving, a mother who needs him to live for her. He created a campaign? The speech was useless though, for me? Hah, what a laugh. My mother seems to care now. Like they cared before. She always took me as a peasant. Quite literally. She got mad at me like I was a pig who no one cared about. Evan treated me like I was literal royalty. I was a ghost, but I could make Evan happy still. He got flustered when I was teasing him. Pretty cute, though. No, no, no, no, no, not what I meant.

He started sobbing and shaking uncontrollably. In my sweater, he sobbed, singing ‘for forever’ alone. He committed suicide, on February 22, 22:34. My birthday. He held up a knife against his neck, but he stopped. He ran to the park, climbed up a tree, and once he was high enough, he jumped off the tree, I screamed "STOP! EVAN!" He turned around to face me, and smiled. “See you soon, Connie." I sniffle "It's Connor, idiot." A crunch was heard as blood splattered all over the tree, the grass, and the pain in my heart. "It was worth it, Connor." It was something I would not agree on. Kill thyself for me? Not a good reason. But, we were finally together. I love you Evan.

But, I can’t accept the pain that that I brought to his family.

He lies on the cold floor, as his mother goes to the park, screaming internally “M-MY CH-CHILD!” as she sees the dead body on the floor. She cries, ‘I could’ve stopped this’ or ‘It was all my fault.’ Evan looks at me. He throws himself into my chest. “M-mom..” As tears roll down his cheeks, he lands his gaze on me. My gaze softens before him. “It’s.. okay.” “I-it’s not!” I sigh. “Evan.” He sniffles and tries to choke back the tears, but they just come down even faster. “I-I’m sorry.” I blurt out. “It’s all my fault. If I was able to stop you, your mom wouldn’t be crying right now. If I did something-” he hugs me tightly as if I were going to leave him. 

 

“I-it’s n-not your fault.” “Yes it is!” I scream loudly, as Evan backs away, as if be was scared. I take a deep breath. “I’m sorry.” Evan remains silent, as if he’s begging for me to say something, for my approval of his silent words. He walks up to me. “I-I’m sorry too.” He looks at me, as if he is looking at his beloved ones, his mom, his everything. But I don’t deserve it. My eyes tear up, my body clenching my muscles and my fists. I look down with with a shady face. All my anger is built up, just to be broken by one little, soft, harmonious giggle. “Why are you crying, Connor?”

He looks at me like an angel. “Connor?”

I grab him into a tight hug. “I love you.” He giggles “I love you more.” I giggle this time. “I love you more that the horizon goes.” We both burst into a fit of laughter. He shoves me frivolously. “You dork.” I cuddle him close. “But I’m your dork.” He cuddles back. He always cuddles back. My smol bean.


End file.
